Categorically the most misunderstood emotional sequence of emotions we have to go through. Grief usually begins with a type of shock to the system that almost puts us into an altered state of consciousness. Generally followed by the need to accept something we usually don’t want to do. This immediately puts us at odds with understanding how to feel sad. Sadness is one of those individual processes that we have a hard time describing, even to ourselves. It is a very personal thing that we need time to process through. We often get panicky at the very thought of losing someone or something we have held very dear. Hence we often go into a state of denial that such a thing is even happening.
When we learn of the death of a loved one or animal we are forced into the reality of grief immediately and often find the need to go into remote activity of making final arrangements. This only forces us to put our feelings aside to make some hard and lasting decisions. When we simply learn of the death from someone else we have more time to sort through our feelings.
Anger bubbles up as all and any discussions between family members always put a damper on things moving as quickly as needed. Communication, even with those we do not like or care for, become mandatory at a time when we just want to be left alone to grieve.
Grief brings out persons true colors as they are very vulnerable and do not want others to see this in them. But the sadness pervades, and all must come together for the sake of one another, at a time when it is no longer just about them.
When a loved one is dying in a Hospice situation or a hospital, we are generally given brochures and books to read to help us understand the various stages of grief we are going through. These can be most helpful at that time because we need to address our feelings, and a little reinforcement can be very helpful.
I am a very private griever, I do not want to share my grief with others, nor do I want to offer them platitudes I have heard my entire life. I hate this one, “You know they are in a better place now”, I know no such thing and it annoys me when others say this to me. If everyone goes to the same place in death it would really be overcrowded.
There is no getting over grief just simply going through it. This takes time and everyone experiences grief differently. Just get over it, doesn’t work and is a stupid thought anyway.
Grief is an individual process and it is not so much we get over it as we come to terms with the reality of it. Time helps and does play a part but does no dissolve feelings at this precipice. We ultimately must make a place in our heart to put this grief so we can go on with life. This is different for everyone.
Be kind to another’s grief never belittling such as you do not walk in their shoes. Give gratitude daily that you are blessed and be aware of others feelings that may be different from your own. We have feelings for many mysterious reasons, one of which is to understand your own process of grieving.